This blog today is all about love…. or maybe not!  As criminologists, we tend to see things slightly different, and our perspective is influenced by functions other than undying declarations of love.   

Saint Valentine is associated with love and people celebrate the day with their special romantic person, or by pursuing any person of interest, with romantic cards.  Greeting cards, bottles of wine, boxes of chocolates, bunches of flowers, heart shaped jewellery, lovely sonnets, sexy underwear, kinky gifts and over the top romantic gestures!  All of the above are anticipated actions on this day.  Any of these will act as a demonstration of love.  In some ways the more enormous the gesture the greater the demonstration of love and intimacy to the intended special person.  Many times, we hear those in a relationship rut complaining that “they don’t even buy me chocolates anymore” a sign that love has fizzled out. 

Love is a powerful emotion, and I dare not to challenge it.  Artists have created their best work on love!  Religion has created its strongest appeal on love. People, the world over, have based their entire lives of how they feel about a person they choose to be their partner and share their lives with.  So clearly love is important! Enough for an Austrian psychotherapist to create an entire theory on love and sex.  We feel ready to go to war for love and we are completely convinced that love is the force that keeps us going. Love is strong and we feel it every day.   

Therefore, it is slightly surprising that the patron saint of romantic love is a rather fictional character!  The saint is meant to be a priest who lived in the 3^rd century AD and martyred by tortured for his faith.  There was no romance involved and there were no love poems written of the time.  In fact, the Roman Catholic church did not recognise or mentioned this martyrdom at the time.  The first accounts on St Valentine appear in the 6^th and later the 9^th centuries, some centuries later.  Since then, the story of the saint is embellished further, until the 19^th century when it becomes connected with romantic love in some tenuous way.  For example, the more recent narratives claim that before his execution he would convert and cure the daughter of his jailer.  He was also officiating wedding ceremonies between Christians which may have given him the romantic connection.  In the 19^th century we have the first mass production of love tokens dedicated to the day and in the 20^th, century especially post 1960s the celebration was growing in popularity and appeal.  Currently the day is a celebration that has a significant capitalist value.  It is usually a commercial success midway between Christmas and Easter.   

Some religious historians noted that in the Roman calendar in February there have been rituals and celebrations on fertility and cleanliness (physical, spiritual).  It was the time presumably when young Romans prepared for sexual relations.  Therefore, an amalgamation of the old practices and the then new religion overlap with an obscure Saint to act as the glue to connect them and reaffirm the importance of love.  Ironically the Roman citizens of the time, in particular the patricians, would not recognise such acts!  They married out of interest, connecting the wealth and power of different factions.  In those cycles love was more of a chimera rather than a reality. 

Romantic love with knights, towers, dragons and gestures of devotion will appear as fanciful tales.  Who hasn’t heard of Odysseus and his beloved wife Penelope who remained faithful to him for 20 years!  Her fidelity was not reciprocated, and Odysseus had multiple affairs and fathered several children across the Mediterranean.  Not quite the romantic story people would like to believe.  Romantic love was always a tale, with vivid twists and turns.  Love appears almost pure, undiluted that lifts those in its path.  Shakespeare wrote fantastic sonnets on love.  Some of the best things ever written in English.  Still his contemporaries did not recognise this love.  The majority of people at the time died young, malnourished and exhausted.  Those who barely survive cannot afford to embrace love.  As for those in power their relationship with love can be summed up in the old mnemonic rhyme “divorced, beheaded, died; divorced, beheaded, survived”! 

We presume that romantic love is a representation of two people having feelings for one other.  That is a nice sentiment but historically weak.  Love for women does not exist.  Not because women are devoid of emotions; quite the contrary!  Because women have been used in social transactions between men who barter and use them as part of their household.  A feminist today can recognise, despite all assurances for equality, how unequal life is.  Especially in the household!  If anyone wants to see why love is not equal only see how domestic and intimate violence is spread between gender lines.  Because St Valentine brings flowers and chocolates, but it also brings beatings and abuse.  Across the year it is during holidays and significant dates, including St Valentines that violence against women surges.  One can unfortunately deduce that love is not for women. Oh…. The irony as romantic novels and movies are presented mostly for women as “chick flicks”!    

Earlier in this post, it was said that the bigger the romantic move the better!  Who will do this big romantic gesture?  A man with chivalrous intent.  Our household data reveal that men will spend more than double on what women will spend on the day, making their romantic intent more obvious.  Perhaps men are more romantic and feel the need to satisfy that internal need.  Or maybe there are other emotions at play.  Love is very powerful, but so is possessiveness.  In a history of transactions men used women for trading, so their gestures may be a latent act of dominance, a fresh reminder of possession.  Instead of giving them chocolates, you may as well urinate all over them.  That way your beloved will have your scent and keep other suitors away.  So, this is not love but control, jealousy and dominance.  Every drop of wine, every piece of chocolate, every flower petal, is yet another link in the chain of ownership.  In case this gets misunderstood, the individual who buys flowers isn’t a villain, but the history of this kind of love is pointing in this direction.  Your partner may have the best intentions and the greatest love and regard for you, but our society has never really acknowledged the transactional relationship between men and women.  It is similar to those who speak of the evils of slavery, but with no recognition of reparations.  This love is not pure and clean.  It is the darkest form of patriarchy that controls people making them to believe in an adult fairytale once the other story of Santa Claus is not believed any more.

Romantic actions target all incomes and all ages, but of course there is a drive to get younger people, new generations of customers, on the love spending machine.  At this stage I shall write…what not to do when you are planning a romantic day!  Do not go overboard.  Love is something felt in the heart not in the pocket.  Heart-shaped products do not say “I love you” more than square or round ones!  Red is no more appealing than any other colour and of course if emotions are high, they tend to last more than a day!  Ideally do not spend any money!  In the unfortunate event that you do, do not cook your romantic meal with a sharp knife.  You may pierce the palm of your hand and end up with stitches.  Do not spread chocolate on a partner before establishing if they are allergic to any of the ingredients, you may end up in A&E.  Do not offer them wine, if they have an intolerance to alcohol, they may vomit all over your pristine bedspread. Do not write something funny or profound if they are thick and unable to comprehend deeper meanings (in that case what are you doing with them???). Love is not an idea, a moment, a day, an instant.  It is a lifetime however long or short it is. You will live in love and you will die in love. Even when you are by yourself love is in you and it cannot be defined by the actions of people around you.  Finally, love is selfless so do not try to control them, “love is a rebellious bird that nobody can tame”!