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Growth comes from discomfort
Getting closer to 30 has been really difficult. I had set goals for myself and I have not accomplished most of them.
I thought I had everything all planned out and I knew what I wanted. However, life comes at you fast. I honestly wonder how our parents made this look so easy.
The pandemic has also knocked us back a couple of years. Instead of focussing on goals and thinking about the future; we are simply trying our hardest to stay sane and survive each day. Remembering to breathe became the new main task. Making our mental health a priority has become the most important thing.
Trying to balance ‘living in the moment’ and thinking about the future is hard. My plans have changed so much over the last couple of years. I have more questions than answers. But I’m slowly learning not every question has to be answered straightaway.
The pressure I feel being a first generation immigrant is enormous. I believe that every generation has to show a level of socioeconomic improvement. Finding a way to achieve this, whilst in a foreign land is extremely overwhelming. You are constantly reminded close to each day that you are an outsider and you do not belong here.
Nonetheless, my mother did not work two jobs and not have any days off for me not to make it. This has always been my driving force. My mom always tells me I am being too hard on myself. She had the support from her relatives when she was home in our home country (Zimbabwe) and I don’t have the same luxury, as such I shouldn’t penalise myself for not achieving everything I want to achieve… yet. (The key word is ‘yet’). Just because it has not happened yet doesn’t mean it will not happen in the future. Delay does not mean denial.
Facing career challenges based on your race is a hard pill to swallow. Not knowing who to turn to for advice is even more frustrating. I used to think all women regardless of race would empathise and they would want to help. As we all have one struggle in common; being a woman. At least that should unify us… (so you would think). However, I have realised at times your level of ambition can be deemed as a threat. The same people might have experienced a glass ceiling can be the very same ones who add to your oppression because you are seen as ‘competition’. One of my mentors recently told me to relax in relation to my job searching as all institutions are not used to “aggressive job searches”. I find it pretty funny that the term “aggressive” will always be the main word used to describe Black people. How can a job search ever be aggressive?! Unless I’m standing outside your office threatening you to give me a job then yes, that’s aggressive. However, sending an email reminding a company to send me the new job specification they stated over the phone is not aggressive. In that moment, I knew she is an enemy of my progress.
I used to calculate my career progression based on if I have moved up to a certain level or my pay grade has increased. But I am starting to learn the skills I have acquired over the years are far more valuable. My confidence has grown incredibly. I have found my voice. That is something that cannot be taken from me. I am proud of my level of courage and perseverance. These are qualities not a lot of people have.
I am excited to see what 30 has in store for me. I have learnt so much. But there are a lot of skills I look forward to gaining in the upcoming years. I am slowly learning not to be so hard on myself.
Note to self – do not forget who you are… You are destined for greatness. Everything you want is coming. Do not compare your journey to others. Even if others are not willing to help you; there is always a way forward. Go back to the drawing board and restrategise. No one owes you anything. So do not expect anything from anyone.
“Remember diamonds are created under pressure so hold on, it will be your time to shine soon.” – Sope Agbelisi
The Next Step: Life After University
My name is Robyn Mansfield and I studied Criminology at the University of Northampton from 2013 to 2016. In 2016 I graduated with a 2:2. The University of Northampton was amazing and I learnt some amazing things while I was there. I learnt many things both academic and about myself. But I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do next. I went to University wanting to be a probation officer, but I left with no idea what my next step would be and what career I wanted to pursue.
My first step after graduating was going full-time in retail because like most graduates I just needed a job. I loved it but I realised I was not utilising my degree and my full potential. I had learnt so much in my three years and I was doing nothing with my new knowledge. I started to begin to feel like I had wasted my time doing my degree and admitting defeat that I’d never find a job that I would use my degree for. I decided to quit my job in retail and relocate back to my hometown.
I was very lucky and fell into a job working in a High School that I used to attend after I quit my retail job. I became a Special Educational Needs Teaching Assistant and Mentor. I honestly never thought that I’d be working with children after University, but the idea of helping children achieve their full potential was something that stood out to me and I really wanted to make a difference. The mentoring side was using a lot that I’d learnt at University and I really felt like I was helping the children I worked with.
I am currently an English Learning Mentor at another school. I mentor a number of children that I work with on a daily basis. As part of my role I cover many pastoral issues as well. I am really enjoying this new role that I am doing.
Eventually, in the short-term I would love to do mentoring as my full role or maybe progress coaching in a school. In the long-term I would love to become a pastoral manager or a head of year. The work I have been doing is all leading up to me getting the experience I need to get me to where I want to be in the future.
The best advice I would give to people at University now or who have graduated is not to worry if you have no idea what you want to do after you’ve got your degree. You might be like me, sat at University listening to what everyone else has planned after University; travelling, jobs or further education. Just enjoy the University experience and then go from there. I had no idea what I was doing and at certain points I had no job for months. But in a months time, a years time or longer you will finally realise what you want to do. It took me doing a job I never expected I would do to realise what I wanted to do with my degree.